After two decades in nursing, I’ve held more roles than I can count—staff nurse, charge nurse, educator, director, pandemic‑mode‑problem‑solver, coach, and mentor. And while I’ve always cared deeply about delivering extraordinary care to patients, something shifted when I stepped into leadership. I realized my real calling wasn’t just caring for patients. It was caring for the people who care for patients.

Somewhere between the staffing crises, the moral distress, and the “Do you have five minutes?” conversations that always take 45, I watched too many talented leaders walk away—not because they didn’t love the work, but because the work was slowly draining the love out of them. That’s when my two worlds—leadership and wellbeing—finally collided, and I stepped into a new role as our organization’s first Center for Wellbeing nursing director.

Caring for the Caregivers

One of the projects I’m most proud of came from a simple idea: what if we created a space where nurse leaders could just… be human together? No agenda. No slide deck. No action items. No “parking lot” for future topics we all know will never be revisited. Just a table, a meal, and a group of leaders who desperately needed a moment to breathe and connect.

We created a six-month nurse leader Commensality Group—a fancy word for “sharing a meal,” but it was so much more.

The ground rules were simple: • No homework • No formal presentations • No judgment • And absolutely no pretending everything is fine when it’s not.

Creating Space for Connection

Ten nurse leaders sit around a table, plates full, shoulders dropping, laughter bubbling up. For a moment, you forget the weight you walked in with. Someone cracks a joke, someone else snorts, and suddenly you’re laughing so hard you’re crying. Not the “I’m fine, really” kind of crying—the good kind. The healing kind.

And then there are the hallway high‑fives. You know the ones. The “We’re about to go into commensality!” high‑fives. The “This is my favorite meeting of the month” high‑fives. In twenty years of nursing leadership, no one had ever said that to me about a meeting. Ever.

The conversations are real. Raw. Human. Topics like moral distress, work‑life integration, role conflict, team dynamics, and the loneliness of leadership. The kind of things we rarely say out loud because we’re too busy being strong for everyone else.

But here, around this table, leaders find something they didn’t know they were missing: belonging. Validation. A sense of “Oh thank goodness, it’s not just me.” Newer leaders find mentors. Seasoned leaders find peers who understand the invisible load. Everyone leaves a little lighter. 

Better Together

The feedback says it all: “This was a safe space to feel connected.” “As a new leader, this time has been invaluable.” “Hands down my favorite meeting of the year.”

In a world where nursing leaders are asked to hold so much, commensality reminds us of something simple and profound: we are better when we’re connected. Sitting down, sharing a meal, and remembering we’re human too. 

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